Dont just talk to yourself- argue too.

A strange little habbit of mine is talking to myself, now the best of us do it at some point, but mine seems to have developed in to argueing with myself, so when do you know you have crossed the line of normal self babble to worrying conversations that turn into a row, and just with yourself?

I found myself playing out an argument in my head, which in turn became vocal, maybe more than i had thought. heres me, walking happily down the road planning my perfect row with myself thinking i was the only one around. My row was to be with my ex, and as i decided against setting his car on fire, i thought a good old bust up would get it out of my system. so me being a perfectionist at the best of times wanted to plan how it would go, so i knew how to manipulate his retaliations to fit my planned answers. Then that way i knew i would again win the battle.

I started off with....... ME BOLD -HIM ITALLICS

Can we make this quick as im very busy as you well know
But you asked me to come and see you
Yes yes, enough with the little details, i believe an apology is in order
About time too, Its better we can be friends still
Well im waiting then! when your ready
huh? you want me to appologise? but.................
Fine, if you cant be big enough to accept when your wrong,
But i.........
No buts and will you stop interupting me, i thought we had progressed past this point of rows
but your the one who started it
Thats because you gave me reason to, why do you always make me feel like this
feel like what?
Like im not good enough, now look what you reduced me too *SOBS
Oh come here, i didnt mean to make you feel like that, im sorry.
Huh, so you admit your sorry which means your wrong, well i shall accept your appologies now please, stop harrassing me, i have a very busy life to lead.
But i wasnt saying sorry for cheating,
oh so now you admit you cheated you, you, you bastard.
But i didnt, thats what u accused me of.
Yes and you admitted it, plain as day.
Ok, well when your rea...........
NO, Thats all.

Anyway, as im happily walking along i hear some sniggers from behind, there was a group of teenage annoyances traipsing along behind me, obviously finding my trauma and toiled argument funny, orhaps it was because i was just talking to myself.

Well, there was no way i was losing face, so i pretended that my ipod earphones were my handsfree for my phone and made a big show of disconecting them from my ears, so then they would assume on the phone in a very heated and important call to my ex.

And yes it worked (along with a bribe of some ciggerettes to forget my face)

so if you will insist on rowing with yourself, its probably better to do it indoors.

OUCH!

I hate glass doors, just there to bloody well make me walk into them, well i am not going near anymore doors, unless i need to go out of course.

There is my face print on it, and i now have a busted lip, i wish that people would not clean them so thorough. glass patio doors are a menace, and i for one am having them replaced with bricks now!

OOPS, I believe i may have done it again :{

What is wrong with me! Every bloody time.

So i doubt im the only person in the world who is in this continuous evil circle of disaster dates, but when do you decide to nail it on the head and give up?

When i was 16 i got a bit of a reputation for being easy, i liked going out and meeting new people, and then the next night i would go out and meet another new people =)

it wasnt that i was easy, the thing with me is that i have always been looking for someone who would like me as much as i liked them, unfortunately i was always to stupid to see when someone was just pretending so that they could bed me ;(

Everytime i held out hope that this was the one, well here i am, 8 years later and i still fall for the same old lines, the same old tricks. As recent as last week i met this real great person, they were smoothe talking great looking, and genuinely seemed to like me, so i took up the offer of staying for a long weekend to get to know each other better. thing is that they know parts of me a whole lot better than the rest of me!

I had a few sms on my way back home, sayin they missed me already, which was actually a first, i was feeling great but something was niggling away at me, anyway, i was replying like you do, and then the sms became less frequent, no replies to alot of them, same old same old.

Well i knew the next sms i got would be when they were drunk and horny, and i was right on target. So yet again im here feeling like a twat, wishing i could get out of this circle, are some of us just here to be tricked in to bed?

And the most stupid thing is, here i am writing about what is plain to see, yet i cant help but fall for it everytime. It cant be my looks as im rated highly by many in catergory, including myself, and im actually really sweet, so why is it that people dont want more from me? at least i use one type of protection, shame they cant make the same for the heart.

Well, i am not falling for it anymore, i will not get laid again unless im sure that something will come of it (well, unless i need a quickie) i guess everyone has to know when enough is enough and to take control of the reins.

So heres till tomorrow when i go falling for it all over again.

Cheers

I have a confession to make.....

Well, not so much a confession as an admission of a character flaw. About 3 months ago i managed to lose one of my DVD's, now i suffer from being perhaps slightly obsessive, i have no idea as to why im like that, but when it kicks in....well be worried.

Now this DVD i managed to lose (although i suspect someone somehow snuck in and stole it) has been driving me crazy, i live in a minamalistic styled appartment, its always clean, tidy and everything is in order (the obsessive side rises again) Now i have turned my appartment upside down searching for this bloody DVD, and not just once or twice.

You probably think....why doesnt he go and buy himself a new one, well that would probably be the best option, and it would also stop this crazy searching im putting myself through, but that is not an option because
A) even if i buy a replacement i wont be able to help myself from searching.
B) if i buy another one its certain the lost one will make itself shown.

This has been driving my other half crazy too, not the fact that its lost, but the fact that everytime they see me i am searching for that bloody DVD, Only yesterday i was caught searching for it once again behind the cabinet, and was asked.......

Them "What are you doing now"
Me "Uhm, nothing, i just thought that maybe.....nothing"
Them " your not looking for that DVD still are you?"
ME "NO, i looked here already, that would be insane, but......well"
Them "Jaiden, are you looking again, this has got to stop!"
ME: "Alright, im looking for that stupid bloody DVD, OK!"
THEM: *Looked stunned, perhaps even a little frightened, lol*

With this i walked away, and continued my search, under the bed (Again) in the drawers, the window sills, hell, i even searched the Bathroom this time, and why would a DVD be in the bathroom, off i went through the cabinets, towel shelves, even to the point that i had convinced myself my other half had taken the bath side off and hidden it under there just to wind me up, so of came the bath side, but nothing apart from some pipes and a scary looking spider- which immediately met his maker via a rolled up copy of cosmopolitan and several whacks!

Now i cant see why someone would want to do this to me? its driven me insane, my friends running for the hills and my other half crazy at the way i have been with it all. Now today i got the crazy idea that the gas man stole it, so i got on the phone to them and when they answered i didnt know what to say, i could hardly say " Hi, yes your gas man stole The others from me" what sense would that make, and what if i was wrong? so i hung up :(

well today i also find myself hunting around again, though i promised myself that i would stop, i find myself opening the kitchen draw for a sharp knife (lol, im not that crazy) to cut some tomatoes, i open the draw and find myself removing it to look underneath.

So if anyone knows where this elusive DVD may be hiding, please let me know.